Apple Cored

my really fun week for u gay ppl that keep asking "omg tell me ALL about it"

2005-07-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

sum1 tell me if i fucked up da days they're 1 big blurr

Saturday: Got to brandon at 11pm talkd on msn till 4am to everyone and got really excited about being here. Karyn called me her baby and made me blush

Sunday: woke up and ben called me right away he came and picked me up, i went and saw his apt. and then we went to regs house and met Amy, Reg, Collin and was reunited with Darcy and Scott, then ben, amy and i went and ran a few errands, and then i got to meet bens girlfriend Ruth, shes a sweetie. Then we went back somewhere and made plans to go be mall fags, so we went to the mall and i made ben wear lipstick and a pink hat, and it was cool. then we played car tag to find scott and darcy and ended up meeting them at the keystone where we saw sum gay solar car and ben colored me a picture from within the giant ducks bumb, and me and scott got hearts face painted on our cheeks. then we went to canadian tire and bought some sports stuff and drove out to a feild, and amy and i sat and talked while they guys ran around like lunatics topless. then i went home for diner and as i was finishing scott called me and told me to come back out so i said ok, and he came and picked me up and we went to get mix, and then back to reg's house and got attacked by rocks and misqioutos, so then we went driving around and went to some tara chikipoohs house and i drank to fast and got tipsy so reg, darcy and scott took me home, and we stopped at mcdonalds and i got a big mac, and then i couldnt find my keys so i lied on my doorstep and ate my big mac with a side order of misquotes and then finally found my keys, so i went in and went on msn and ate the rest of my big mac, and talked to lotsa ppl about stupid stuff. i also peed alot.

Monday: im alergic to whiskey so i woke up with a swollen tung and no voice and puking so my gramma took me to the doctor, and then i came home and slept, and karyn woked me up at 11 and said she was comming in so i lied around till 3 wen she got here and we went to the mall and met mandy mac! and i saw her, then we came back home and i got changed and karyn and i went to scotts house and freaked out brodie on msn, and scott played me the song he wrote me and i got bashful and then Reg came and got us and we went rolling around and bought booze and mix then went back to scotts apartment and me and karyn made a big bubble bath and got in it, and it was to full so it flooded everywhere and we shared a mickey of malibu, and then scott got in and Reg found shaving creme and choclate syrup and we made a big huge messy pooh. then karyn hopped out and i chugged a couple rum and cokes, (this was in a half hour) so i was now drunk, and alone with scott so we started making out which was amazing till i puked all over the fucking place that was kinda sick. so i dangled over the edge for a while and puked some more, and then i relized karyn was no where in my site and im crazy over protective, so i got out and went and found her and chugged another rum and coke and danced around then i wasnt very soberish and so im not sure what happend to the night, i remember being really cold and wet and cuddling with karyn on the balcony, and brodie being mad at me for something so i ran away to find him and Reg captured me and returned me to the apt, then i looked at the clock and relized i was way past curfew, but karyn wouldnt let me go home, and i got a lil angry and then while karyn was pinning me down some one changed all the clocks, and i settled down and i swear they were shoving rotten blue cheese and swamp juice down my throat but they swear it was only water and bread trying to sober me up to go home which didnt work cuz i found the bottle of rum and started drinking it strait and so i called my uncle and said id be home in the mornig cuz i fell asleep watching lord of the rings, or something like that. and so karyn got me properly dressed and i said goodbye and she went home, so then it was just me and scott allll alone and yah. this is a rated G blog children.

Tuesday: Woke up in scotts armz, and never could have felt better. ( i dont get hang overs, i get really energetic) scott paid for my cab home, i came home, got yelled at, then laughed at cuz i was still tipsy haha (7am) had a shower cuz i still had all sorts of junk in it from our bath, went jogging, then came home, ate a muffin went for a nap, then went shopping, then went to the keystone and did a thousand laps around the pool then jogged home, had another shower, and then went to debbies cuz manda was due home from florida any hour, and i really wanted to see her, so she got home, and we gave hugs then went to shauns and hung out with him and char, and i met landon, his girlipie, and some other chiki pooh, and then we went to mohawk, then it started pouring out so i took off my clothes and ran around in the rain and manda said i was gunna get a bad name but hey, can they get any worse? so then we went back to mandas and lied in bed singing and talking about girle stuff, then i called scott and bugged him, and then we went to bed.

Wednesday: i slept till 1:30, got up had a shower, and then char came and picked us up and we cruised around, went to the mall, cruised sum more, went to mc dix, then to mikes, where i got to meet Ian finally! and see sum crazy bois bmx and get sacked cuz they really suck. oh and i got nipplitis and manda showed everyone. so i went into the church and talked on msn and beat up the dog and met more ppl. then we went back to mandas and ordered pizza and hung out and then i came back to my grammas about 11pm and thats where i am now. its 4 am, and i have nothing better to do, because its my first time this week home by curfew AND sober, so i started drinking some beer, but calan got sad, and since hes hot, i poured them down the sink.

i dont know what im doing thursday yet, and friday my dad is sposovly comming to take me to his new house and then sunday me and lynette are going back to peg city for a week, and then the next weekend is chrisites wedding and im staying in oaklake!!!!! i cannot wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then 2 weeks later, im staying at my grammas again, and im gunna do all ove the above all over again...yippe ki yay mother fucker.

Scott, u mean so much to me, and i really wish that we could live in the same city, thanks so much for everything uve done for me, i dont no how to repay you, ur one of the most sweetest guys ive ever come encountered with, you make me feel amazing and i want you to no im always here for you. I love you.

i added sum pics, thers me, karyn and scott thats all for ppl who dont know them

ok so thats that, stay fit and drink booze
Love, Jess

YAAAAAAAAAAWN

2005-05-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am officialy 1,2,3,4,5...5 hours late for school. Someone teach me to sleep, at night. So i dont have to do it when im sposed to be somewhere important. I only have one class left in the day, but im going to go, just to find out the weekend gossip that i missed, while being at Donnys house. Wanna here about donnys house? well wait till i get home, cuz the showers free so now i can go get ready for my day and not have to sit here waisting time....
BBL Jess(K)

SLEEEPY

2005-04-24T00:10:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, its 2ish and im relly tired. damn being scared of the dark i want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. For those who dont know im scared of the dark and cant go asleep inless somones awake, and to my misfortune, everyone fell asleep before me, so im just sitting here waitin for someone to wake up or come home and make sure i am not eaten as i try to fall asleep. soo what to talk about.....
30hour famine? ok.
i think you all know, but i spent thursday night at school and went 36.5 hours without food, and did fundraisers and such. it was alot of fun, and reached our schools higest goal yet, beating out las yeaars grand total by almost 2 grand! i was very proud of everyone that participated, it was a great group of kids and everyone follew the rules well. i cant say the same for megan miranda and i, who had to plan a scavenger hunt in 15 minutes. failing miserably might i add. Also, i forgot my camera at home, so my memories will have to stay brained. how could i forget my camera?!?
what else is new....
im tired? no? ok...old news

OH OK!
just thought of something that makes me mad
not going to use real names in this blog for personal safety
but the characterrs are now goiing to be Sally, Spike, and christie
all of mandys pets.
So, Sally and Spike have been dating for over a year now, but sally is a bitch and has spike bitch whipped and unhappy and chrisite knows that spike would be better off with her. but christie is best friends with spike and dosnt want him to get hurt or make him do something he dosnt want to so shes just supporting him and helping him threw the struggling relationship with sally. Somedays chrisite just wants to tell spike to dump her fucking ass and then christie can have him to herself, but that would be the selfish greedy thing to do, which chrisite is not. Christie really likes spike but dosnt want to hurt or confus him any more, but still hates sally and wants her out of the picture, and to stop abusing spikes heart. sally is mean and is trying to run spikes life, and christie can see that spike is hurt inside but dosnt want to throw away a years relation ship. my question is. What should chrisite do, she wants spike so bad, but dosnt want to see him get hurt, or end up ruiing a relationship when there may not be what she thinks there is between them.

today was jordens birthday at topo gigio and it was great fun, then me and Julie went to omis and tryed on sexy lip stuff.

wow im gunna go play games
love you all!

And the nightmare begins as the Devil rides out
From the heat thru the gates of Hell
And there's no escape from the curse of the damned
You better beware

Rich Stuff

2005-04-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have...
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) smoked a joint
(x) crashed a friend's ...car
(x)stolen a ...car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) been used
(x) failed someone
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) gone on a ...blind date
(x) lied to a ...friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school (oh did I!!!)
(x) seen someone die
( ) had a crush on one of your myspace...friends
( ) been to The U.S.
( ) been to Mexico
( ) been on a plane
( ) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a bar (Go oaklake Tavern!}
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
( ) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been ...lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sunset
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood (I'm all sorts of misunderstood)
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
(x) been suspended from school. and expelled!
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) had deja (lmfao that was cool!!)
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) been obsessed with Post-it notes omg carry em in my pocketes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying (not dy, just stop right there and let me fix things then catch up)
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke ("Whos bed have ur boots been under")
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
(x) humped a monkey (karyns my monkey)
(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in public PENIS VAGINA DIRT! PENIS VAGINA DIRTY! Ehh karyn and Brodie:P
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole (fire hydrant)
(x) kissed a fish CARLY TROGDOR! After i attempted to slurp it up in the vacume
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) been a cheerleader (Okay guys it was Halloween, back off!)
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week Me and lynette went 6 days once ughers
i miss oaklake, when my mom would leave for weeks at a time ehh lynetter?
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(x) gone streaking (please don't ask)
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed or just went into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish & ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! Brodies and chrsitie are the best the spazzo!!
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test thats what cleavcage is for!
(x) have a Britney Spears CD all of them
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
( ) French-braided someone's hair
(x) Caught a Duck ehh DONNY and GORDO
(x) Stolen A Road Sign ehh donny and gordo again
( ) Snuck A Goldfish Into A Grocery Store and placed it in a 4L Water Jug
omg who wants to help me with that one!?
(x) Broken into someone's house

Amazing Song

2005-04-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One's headed for vacation, one for higher education,
An' two of them were searchin' for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An' eighteen wheelers can't stop on a dime.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an' love for growin' things in his young son's heart.
An' that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give 'em all a better start.
An' that preacher whispered: "Can't you see the Promised Land?"
As he laid his blood-stained bible in that hooker's hand.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

That's the story that our preacher told last Sunday.
As he held that blood-stained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: "Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an' the preacher;
"Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
"Who read it to me."

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, now I guess we know.
It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway.

Hey Babies! Ok, so i heard this song, and it took me forever to figure out what it ment. And i got it like the 3rd time listeing to it, and i found it really qiute touching
the point of it:
The preacher gave the hooker his bible
The bus colides with an 18 wheeler
everyone dies, except for the hooker
the hooker reads the bible to her son
its the hookers son that is the preacher

get it?! Amazing song ! download
Randy Travis - three wooden crosses

Wow

2005-04-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

Hi i had an awesome night
went to a friends house
he rules
cant....stop....floating...

PeTeRpAnKiSsEs

Pez Pink Tounges

2005-04-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

I Had a really good day. Not a kid, but not grown up. just stuck in space

So many memeories, and instead of feeling like shit when i remeber back to the oh so many good times i had in oaklake, i was smiling.

It all actually started when good friend Andrew Moore decided to dump me in a mudd puddle, and then drag me threw it. I had to spend the rest of my afternoon sopping wet, and smelling like a mixture of dog poo, and moldy last winter earth. As "oh man" as that sounds, it was great, cuz good old Jess, got up and smiled, as she walked into her prep filled school. As the puddle covered my weak body, it washed away the invisable dirt that was soon to sufforcate me, burried alive in my own sin. There is Jess complain'n about a fly. and the next thing you know mudd puddle. My first plan was to get up, screach, pound the shit outta andrew, then run home to change and shower before my preciouse hair was ruined. But the water was muchly refreshing so i just sat in it a second. rolled over, staired up at the sky and was like damn i miss the water in my toes and not caring. Noone is gunna care about how grossly scrubby i looked that day one week from now. So i got up, laughed my face off, and kept on walking. Egnoring and refusing all the voices saying "oh jess! are you ok?! what a prick, heres some eyeliner,hers a shirt"

After a smelly day at school, I came home, Lied in my bed, and thought about alot, on how much ive grown up this past year and all the mistakes ive made, and how amazingly somehow i made it threw them. So i went and found my little brother jorden and asked him to join me on a trip to the local park.
Jorden, for those of you who dont know, is my 7 year old brother. We're incredibly close, i raised him in brandon when he was 5 untill he needed to go to his first year of school so we then were moved to OakLake to join my mom.
So here we are, sittin on the swings. The swings were always my favorite playground activity. And it was quite amazing to learn all the new terms for differnt tricks etc that you can do on the swings. As jorden shows me up with "scissor cross" i attempt to do a back flip. With no sucess forgetting that i am now 2 feet taller then my last swing, i fall off. Landing on my back and getting an ass full of sand.
But once again, up on that swing. MY butt still is incredibly cramped, for the fact my hips have widended a great amount as well.
But i just swang, taking this moments of weigtlessness to just think. Everything in that park seemed to bring back some memorie of OakLake. The guy Pushing his daughter on the swing next to me had incredibly hairy toes. Reminding me of the day at sonlife when i was bust concentrating on the hair on one of the speakers toes, when i should have been listeing, because carly grabbed me shouting JESS THE RAPTURE!! Now me being a total nut case thought it was actualy the rapture so jumps up with fright staring at carly only to reply with NOW?! Of course not. Ty was just going to preach about what exactly the rapture was. a topic i was struggling with. But yes, i did soak my panties just a little. Damn hairy interesting toes.
Then there are a bunch of boys playing basketball, and one young guys has a t-shirt with the saying "Commando is the way to go" wrote across the front. Reminding me of my dear friend Mandy Macdonald and The story of how she got the nickname "Comando Mando"
I thought about everything, On how lucky i was to have such amazing friends back In the one tire town. Who still love me after every mistake i make. How they never let go, no matter how many times i do.
Can anyone tell im getting very tired of typing
I Love you lots
Jess

I Left My Heart Open, But U Didn't Understand

2005-04-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys
Thanks Klassen for the comment
i just wanted to say something tho
im getting alot of messages saying "just read ur blog" and then you guys are trying to cheer ME up and make ME better. completely egnoring the fact that what i asked for was advice on how to help HER. i dont need you guys to help ME, there is nothing wrong, i just want to help her. so if you know how, then tell me. Im just fine on my own and can deal with how its affecting me by myself. what i cant do on my own is help her, because ive run out of ideas how to, and i wanted to know if you knew any.
i love you guys for carihg so much. but im fine!!!

xXx My WeAkNeSs Is ThAt I cArE tO mUch xXx

Everytime I fall down, I reach out to you This is a call, this is a call...lalala

2005-04-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad, To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all, Is better than the life that you had? How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go? How do you get that lonely... and nobody knows?
"Blaine Larson- How do u get that lonely?" Amazing Song download it, and yes! it is country.

ok yes...blog.

I deleted my old one in a sudden out burst to erase my past. But this is me...AND IM BACK!

Have you ever walked into a room, a room you found by folowing a trail of blood, and in that room, was someone u loved with the source of the blood flowing from there wrists? cuz i sure have.

I dont know why, but god has made me a target to one gurls upset mind. and its not something that you can just egnore. when ur best friend sends you a note in class "im going to kill myself" Raises there hand, asks to go to the washroom, and comes back being sure to flash some bloody arms at you. Like what intentions does a friend have, when she does that. i know its right at me...i love those morning msn messages "i slit my wrists last night, i missed you so much" smell the sarcasm!

i guess this blog is gunna end up being a cry for help cuz i dont know what to do. she lives hours away. but still always takes her pain out on me. and im not saying not to, because the days i dont get the messages im like wow did she do it this time? or theres times when she just calls me crying her eyes out and says this is it im doing it now, i love you bye...and then wont answer the phone wen i call back? ovcourse im gunna be scared shes doing it!!!
i just dont know what to say to her when this happens. All i do is cry and am like i love you, you cant, if u knew how much i loved you u wouldnt hurt me. but the response i get to that is "well im doing this cuz i love you" like wtc?!

ive tried the approach of saying u cant do this!! remeber this time and trying to bring up all the good memories that we had before i moved and i was told that "i should smile real big, becuase i just made her feel like shit, and that wen she hangs herself, she wants me to know its all my fault"

I have tried the "christianitically" :S lol.. Approach but that ended in "i dont belive in god anymore". "if there was a god, life wouldnt be so fucked up". HEy suck face God loves you fortever ok! i know shes a christian. i was there hugging her for her first prayer. and theres no way it wasnt real.

I just want to ask any of you, if you have any suggestions on how i can help her. shes obviously hurting. and wont talk to me about any of it. just tells me "life sucks" serisloy i have gotten no more out of her then that. and since she lives hours away, wen i try and push her into telling me, i either get blocked or hung up on. Fucking technology friendships.

its not like shes doing it to be mean either. because shes literally one of my best friends. and there are times when we have decent conversations. just somedays it builds up so bad that i just go whatever do it then! and im the blocker. then i run back, please dont do it. PLEASE JUST LET ME HELP!

i dont understand how someone can actualy hurt that bad, that they want to kill themselves. or why they want to hurt friends that care so much for them.

There was once a time when i was confronted by another loved one, and the only thing that i could think of to do is grab that fucking razor blade and make her watch me slit myself open. Damn ouch! she hasnt cut since tho! I freeked the fuck out of her. Very Sucesful, but not recomended.

Ive gotten to the point where i want to record myself slitting myself open and sending it to my confused friend. But ive had smart ppl tell me "no Jess.." I just want to help her. I cant handel it anymore. But im not giving up!

Im also going to ask for those of you that pray, to pray for her. pray that she finds herself, and grows past her pain. just pray that she can pray

"Times are Crazy, its not over. theres so much more to life then this" -when in doubt, TFK

thanks for the vent session, Love Jess

PS if you know the fine gal im taking about, please dont post her name on a comment...you know? lol..